LJ HOLMES PRESENTS WRITTEN IN STONE

I'm getting married. Yep, I'm getting married. So why is it the minute you announce you're getting married all the relatives on all sides, yours and his, make a pilgrimage into their dusty old attics and draw out their old wedding gowns from the moth balls and expect you to fall all over yourself in excitement about maybe wearing their old relic as your Once-in-a-lifetime special gown?

Okay...some of them are not terrible, terrible...
This was Great Grandma Watterstone's when she came over from the Old Country, to marry Great Grandfather Hall back in like the late 1800's. It's not baaaaddd, but it's just not me!
Great Aunt Agnes' gown...now I'm no critic, most the time, but I'd have to get some serious electric shock treatment before I'd agree to having all of society see my picture splashed across every newspaper in the civilized world wearing her starchy old suit of armor...

I don't LOATHE my Dad's sister's gown. Aunt Leticia, Letty to me, is the only cool, down to earth member of either of my parents families, but I know the hell it would cause if I agreed to wear Aunt Letty's, especially since I absolutely won't...

... even consider Mommy's ice princess gown. Maybe if I was getting married in Antartica to a penguin I might consider it, but truth is, I think I am deathly allergic to velvet.

For punishment...not choosing her gown made Mommy-kins a tad ticked, she decided we needed to go to the only bridal shop in the tri-state area that specializes in GOLD wedding gowns...and if that isn't bad enough,

she's also decided I'm going to be the next Princess Di or something equally ridiculous. This crown is what she thinks I should wear on my poor head. Can you imagine carrying that much weight around? I'll have a migraine before my first margarita! I want simple. Mom wants "wedding of the century" at the very least.

Okay, this crown is not AS bad, but still...Did I mention that I'M getting married and I want SIMPLE? I want to have my hair down, not screwed up into some doo that will deprive me of about a third of my hair follicles and be pulled so tight, I'll look Oriental. Don't laugh. Most of my friends end up looking like they should have been married wearing kimonos because their hair is wound so tight.

Arguing for all we are worth, MOM begins the horrendous parade of DESIGNER hell.

Mom calls this creation "Blush". I call it "pink", and I am NOT getting married in gold, nor am I getting married in pink!

HOLY CRAP! Wanna see a wardrobe malfunction? No way I am choosing this gown with my boobs!

Okay...not bad. A definite, maybe.

Can you say, Over the top? God, I'll sweat off twenty pounds before I get to the altar.

Finally! Here I am Cassandra Hall, in MY gown. Mom's not terribly crazy about it, but I like it. It's simple, high enough not to have me flashing the girls during the vows...wouldn't THAT make for the wedding of the century headline, and it doesn't weigh as much as a Mack truck...

...and it goes with the veil, the equally simple veil I have chosen. Finally, everything is perfect.

I can see you all are frowning, and I agree NOW. I shoulda called the whole damned thing off when I saw what my fiancé, the very socially correct scion, but somewhat less than...uhm...mature fiancé selected for my bridal garter. I know men can be childish at times and we have to make allowances for that, but on your wedding day?

Star Wars! Still, he's gorgeous, and together we are THEE couple of this century. I mean, how can I not forgive him choosing a Star Wars garter belt? It coulda been worse. He might have chosen Sponge Bob in Square Pants. THAT I think I would have put my foot down against, but this? When he looks like....

...this?

All was going swimmingly. We were counting down to "W" day. I had the tickets and receipts for our honeymoon in my luggage. I DID mention my fiancé's sporadic maturity levels didn't I? When out of the blue, five freaking days before the wedding that Star Wars loving Prick ups and breaks our engagement! The wedding of, not the century, but the Millennium has to be cancelled! What's a jilted bride to do?

Every thing's paid for, by the little Prick...

...to The Shaftesbury Premier London Notting Hill. I can stay here and listen to everyone say how sorry they are to my face, while gossiping about me behind my back, or I can just go on my honeymoon alone. I've already endured the worst life can toss at me. It's the least I should do to make the Prick pay for doing this to me, right? Who knows it might turn out to be a rip-roaring adventure.

Written In Stone by Viviane Brentanos, Cover Art by Delilah K. Stephans, and the Muse It Hot Publishing House arrives on February 1, 2011 with the answers Cassandra thinks she is looking for and a world that will change her forever.

Learn more about Viviane and her other available books by following her to her WEBSITE and/ E-MAIL her at viv4daz@yahoo.com

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clicking HERE

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