L.J. Holmes

L.J. Holmes
In her many Guises.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Guest Blogging Part One

My daughter has asked me to be a guest poster on her blog tomorrow...

so I am wracking my brain trying to find a topic that will fit in with her theme for this month...


With that theme firmly planted in all my firing synapses, I have begun to list the scariest things to me...

Now where to begin the REAL every day scary things that seem to take on larger than large life proportions as Halloween approaches? How about here...this has to top the list of a LOT of people's scariest things...right?

The DONALD on a BAD HAIR DAY...hey...that's EVERY day...But guess what he's tied with another star whose follicularly challenged. So although THE DONALD will always bring out the number one shrieks of terror for me, his runner up is:

LARRY KING...yuck...does he make your skin feel all creepy and you know...just EWWWW? To the Donald and Larry...wherever you guys are getting the straw you plunk on top of your heads, let me just say...SCARECROWS...and maybe you should try some mineral rich manure lotion...aromatically it won't be an improvement, but it might keep those fly-away-ends from flying.

Alas there are others who send many of us screaming into the street. I know there isn't a single one of you that hasn't had up-close-and-personal contact with this next terrifying vision. Are you ready? You might want to double up on your Valiums before you move your eyes downward. Steady on...OK...ready?...Set?...Here we Go...

Really is there anything more terrifying than the COMB-OVER? You run into this horror EVERYWHERE!!!! I had a professor...a scientist no less, with a bad comb-over. I've had friends who actually had to keep a straight face while planting their feet into those stirrups because their GYN had a bad comb-over...Imagine the fright of having that comb-over so near your most personal privates!!! EWWWW does NOT begin to express the monumental terror that image evokes in us women...for you guys...just so we can share the level of shriekdom, imagine YOUR personal exam, from the rear, he's bent over you to give you THAT exam and his comb-over flops forward upon your vulnerable spine and areas a bit, shall we say, lower? OK Guys gives us a larger shriek than just EWWWW!

Alas, the comb over is bad enough when it is John Q. Public...but...

...Senator John McCain? If he's elected President and he is sitting at a State dinner with...oh Queen Elizabeth, how is he ever going to make sure his comb over doesn't start flying and land in the Monarch's soup? Think maybe he'll invest in some Super Glue? Speaking, solely as a woman here, having hair flopping around on a guy's head really ISN'T sexy...nor does it mask the otherwise sadly balding pate beneath it's stringy style.

Hair DOES seem to play a BIG roll in ewwy things. I'm sure men are not crazy about women with hairy legs and hairy armpits...although that was not always the case....wanting women to do the Chihuahua thing is relatively new in our culture.

However, we cannot QUITE leave our follicular scream fest JUST yet...not before we deal with one more very, VERY scary thing...

...unless he's a werewolf, you really shouldn't have to mow the guy you're with...BIG EWWWW!

We've finally come to the end of "GUEST BLOGGING PART ONE"...I PROMISE I am far from done...even though I STILL haven't figured out what to guest blog on my Daughter's blog yet...but so many creepy things, so little time to give them the EWW attention they all so shriekingly have been begging for.

So join me for the SECOND part of Guest Blogging to find out just what else my devious synapses have stirred from my cauldron of fright.

I WILL return!


Kathy said...

Do you think the guys in those pics of the hairy bum and hairy back were the models for all those Bigfoot pictures?

Lin said...

Nah! Having a carpet on your back and butt doesn't make up for the shortcomings in other areas.


Love you, Sweetie. Thats for trusting me to guest blog. I promise to give it my best.